Growing....

I am one who has always been in love. Never single for long. I have learned a lot about myself, and what I like, don’t like and have seen the tables turn. Anyone could have told me along the way the things I didn’t see, but I wouldn’t have listened anyways… In highschool, my senior year I had a relationship with a charming, handsome guy 2 years older than myself. He talked properly, opened doors, and loved just about everything about me. He proposed 10 months in, while I was still in high school. We wanted the same things out of life, he supported my dreams. It was a “perfect” fit. Except that I still wanted to have a “normal” life. I wanted to go to college, and live by myself and explore things. He was fine with me exploring, even going to college, he just wanted to be right there. I saw no reason to be together every second if we had forever. Turns out when you are 18 being independent is more important that happily ever after. That relationship ended, fairly bitterly. Then I turned 19 and fell in love at first sight. I literally texted my friend and said “I’m working with this guy and I love him” Things started slowly,We didn’t see each other every second, or even every day, actually it started out every other week. I was getting the space I had craved, a chance to explore…This guy could do no wrong in my eyes. After a few months of that I made the decision to move back to WA and be closer to family, my god son, and him… Here’s what my 19 year old brain thought (well and 20 year old brain) We NEVER fight, He always wants to be around me, He has a good job, Supports my goals and I love his kid. (kids were something I had been wanting badly!) THIS IS WHERE I WANT TO BE FOREVER. ….. He proposed, Bought a house, I moved in, I got pregnant, planned a wedding, TA-Da happily ever after. …Um not so much. We lived together; he expected me to do all the cooking and cleaning. I was not expecting that, I had no idea what to expect actually. I had never lived with a man. He was much more experienced at this than me. I would get so upset that he didn’t see how hard it was for me to try to cook, and do everything far away from my family/friends, he would get mad that I was not focusing on our home and family, and not putting away his laundry. I got upset he was keeping me away from my family. (In my head I do not think I ever made the switch to him being my family over my parents/siblings and friends.)I moved out shortly after our 1 year anniversary, our daughter was 7 months old. I got my own place and worked and did well. I still didn’t cook, and my apartment wasn’t exactly spotless, but things were happier, easier. There were definitely hard lonely and angry times but…it was better. Then I met Dan. Our mutual friend decided that we would be perfect for each other because we were both getting a divorce. (Screams relationship potential right?) So I met him, he said my daughter was cute when I showed him a picture (key to my heart right there!) He asked me out the next day. From there on out, he was always around. I was too busy doing my thing, working full time, taking care of Riley to notice much. He did his own thing…..hunting... He confessed he loved me about 2 months into the relationship, I denied him and told him to hold his horses more or less. The last thing I needed was another whirl wind romance….About 6 months later we moved in together. (way to hold out sara!) Now is where I notice things from past relationships starting to come in. Now, I know what is expected when living with a man. I even learned to cook a little better. Luckily our apartment was small so it was easy to keep clean, and I had a “break” every other weekend (when my daughter visited her father) to get things done. My dream after high school was to enjoy that year of “freedom”. So when Dan expressed his dreams of joining the military again and the only thing holding him back was his love for me (and my desire to stay where I was). I gave in, and was not the one to hold him back. Perusing dreams is important. I gave in with that because I knew how it felt to have your dreams withheld, and I gave up being close to my family and friends. After some discussion it was settled, we were getting married and he was joining the Army. We had a beautiful, personal little ceremony 1.5 years after we met. Here we are almost 2 years into marriage, been together 3.5… These past 2 years have not been easy. We’ve fought because he said he was going to drink every day (changed his mind as soon as he sobered up) argued over children’s names, moved to an entirely different state, learned how to be apart (the longest we had been apart was 3 days) adjusted to me being a stay at home mom, adjusted to him being military again, made new friends, filled our home with more love for a son, learned each of our expectations of marriage. I have become the wife I was expected to be before, and I have become accustomed to having him there for me, I am focused on this family and this relationship. The whole point of writing this is to look back and reflect. Expectations are where everything can go wrong I think. In a marriage I expect: To make time to spend time alone (This is where I need to focus attention!!!) To share household duties (cleaning, laundry, cooking, child rearing) distributed proportionately to out of home work load. (still figuring this one out!) To be open and honest and include the other in life outside of the home. (communicate about nothing important, no secrets, be involved!) To be repectful to one another (hes got a mouth like a sailor and a terrible temper, and I tend to air dirty laundry...work in progress) Obviously to remain faithful, no matter where temptation lies (This one I do not think we have to work on, but it is an expectation none the less) To raise the children in a loving and respectful way. To encourage each others dreams! Things always have room for improvment, no one has a perfect marriage. Trusting the other one to be open for improvment and willing to work toward it is a huge part of my own struggles. I do things myself, and have trouble allowing other people to get things done for me. Unfortunatley in a relationship there are two people (well, Dan will be gone for a year so maybe it'll be more one sided then?) So, I've got to let a little control go......